Monday, March 2, 2009

little grrrls are gonna rock ya

i'm just jotting this note down real fast 'cause i wanna just say something. not gonna add a picture, not gonna add hyperlinks or anything all researchy or whatnot.
a good friend and i were talking today about gender and expectation in young girls (she has two) and i mentioned my blog (below) about cumulus and about how i came of age in the era and cradle of the riot grrrl ('90s, pacific northwest) and how i have been feeling, since the ascendence of britney spears, an increased discomfort and depression about how american society tends to commodify and objectify (everybody, but most specifically) girls and young women. to get very personal, i grew up in a household where i never was given cause to assume anything other than gender equality, and most (like all but two) of my best friends have been girls (then women, natch) my whole life, and everywhere i've ever looked i've seen competant, driven and talented females achieving things in whatever sphere in which they chose to operate. when i was in high school it became evident that my friends and classmates saw the world differently, and that opened my eyes to the ways women and girls were (and are) systematically and purposefully, or carelessly and unintentionall given short shrift by society. as i've always identified strongly with a feminine sensibility (fyi, i am an heterosexual, european-american, middle class male in my thirties) i have been partcularly sensitive to these issues for some time. which, not-incidently, was why the music of cumulus and the blow affected me so strongly).

so after this discussion with my friend, she lent me this dvd she had rented called GIRLS ROCK! the movie, 2008, a documentary about an all-girls summer camp in pdx where women like carrie brownstein and beth ditto help to give girls from 6(?) to 18 the option of rock'n'roll, teaching how to play music, how to write songs, and a host of other related activities like zine-making and band dynamics, and also (positivly, but sadly) self-defense classes.
there is a horde of little girls banging away on a (mouth-watering) selection of instruments, encouraged and encouraging, allowed to succeed and fail and laugh and love each other in an accepting way that, as far as i know, is totally unavailable amongst the company of boys and men.
some of them suck so goddamn badly, but seriously, they're children, and despite all the feminist history that preceeds them, they're oppressed by unfulfillable expectations and derisions that they are far from deserving, and this fact, coupled with the simple fact that (for all the "empowering" identification of these girls as "women"--they are not, many of them) they are beautiful and difficult children allowed to access creative wellsprings within them that were sometimes previously acknowledged, but which in many cases were heretofor untapped. for all these reasons it was beautiful to behold.
and then there were kids like the ready, who were indeed ready for a fucking record deal. i'd release their record at any rate! (btw, if you are a kid in that band--seriously, you are really good, i promise).

this may be too personal (is that actually an issue for a "web-log?"), but i want to go into vulnerable territory and say how very much i empathized with these girls. as some of you readers may be aware, i suffer from anxiety of sometimes overwhelming proportions, and depression. without going into too much detail, i will tell you that body, sex and identity issues have plagued me since puberty, and the self-destructive patterns i have fallen into have been eerily similar to some present in the girls in this film. i identified with them a lot.
i found myself rapt watching this documentary, wishing that i could do something to help the project (which i intend to discreetly look into), even though men are, by and large, not allowed into camp (the filmmakers--both male--and bandmates of guest performers (like The Gossip) were exceptions), and knowing that for all my feelings of identification i would not be understood or welcome, i wanted to add my voice to the chorus telling these girls that "things aren't okay, but you will be; the world may not think it needs you, but it's mistaken; you may be fatter, or not as pretty, or not as smart, as you think you should be, and as tv says you should be, but you are beautiful and special."
i also wished i had a place like this i could've gone to as a kid.

go rent this dvd. or video. or buy it.
if you live in portland, or don't, see if you can help this program.
america fucks most of us over. it's just what it does. sometimes it makes us better for beating back our adversity. sometimes we're broken and detroyed altogether, or forced to endure with nagging, dull, narcotic pain. mostly we fall somewhere between. to see women passionately devoted to helping girls find the positive aspects of life was uplifting in a decidedly non-oprah way. not only should their efforts be supported, but imagine a day when all children, regardless of ethnicity or gender, are given pragmatic-yet-encouraging environments in which to grow.
maybe...

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Matt,

I've got a little bug on my google alerts that lets me know when our movie is mentioned somewheres, and since the movie was released in theaters and it was always crowded, it has quieted down to the point that I don't always check it any more. But I'm sure glad I did today. What a wonderful blog post, I found it very moving. Both Shane and I are very much of your ilk, raised by women, women friends, found out about the camp through my favorite band at the time, Sleater Kinney. Much of what you have to say could have just been transposed to our press kit.

Isn't it funny how empathizing with women is something we have to take a deep breath before we can admit to? That was a weird process we went through with the movie, realizing we were really identifying with these girls and being ok with it. And then that led us to realize that we found it somehow shameful, and why was that?

Anyway, it means a lot to us that you saw these things in the movie and had those thoughts, because the secret theme of Girls Rock! is that it's really about us, about what we went through meeting these amazing girls...

Keep on keeping on, my friend. You are on the right side of history. The only way to save civilization may in fact be by allowing ourselves to know who we really are, and that 8 year old girls are just as powerful and important to us as men in suits. Apropos of that, your guess about the camp folks not understanding or welcoming your feelings of identification is happily off the mark. While they have created a women/girl only space for the actual camp itself, there are many men like you and us who revolve in the orbit of the camp, helping fundraise, organize shows, supply equipment, etc...In fact, for several years there was a teenage guy who would just sit in the lobby and do whatever anyone needed, getting toilet paper, setting up mics, carrying amps...It was a wonderful thing to see, at the age when I was most afraid of admitting I indentified with girls, here was this straight kid just there because of everything you're talking about. Gave me great hope. I spent many long hours rapping with the women of the camp about how much the girls had meant to me and they expressed nothing but pride and warm acceptance. I don't know where you live, but if you ever need a place to blur those gender lines and have a little wiggle room, you can't do worse than Portland. The Rock Camp is just one expression of how many gender communities that follow the normal exclusionary patterns that sprout up there...

Anyway, thanks for your courage, more folks feel the way you do than you know...

matt said...

Arne (I presume),
Thanks so much for your kind words, and for making such an awesome film. I admit I was a little shocked when I listened to the commentary and realized that two dudes had made it. However, that underscored the hope I have that gender will "matter" less and less, not in how it informs our own identities, but in the way it gives society a weapon with which to decide how we interact with our selves and each other. There's still so much work to do...